No, I did not post
Yesterday I did not post. I made a promise to myself to post every weekday, and I fucked it up week 2, which checks out. I am making up for it today by posting twice. Why didn’t I post yesterday? I was a sad girl. I frequently suffer from depression and a few years ago was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. I have been to years of therapy and have tried basically every antidepressant.
I would highly recommend both therapy and meds. And a lot of both, for an extended period of time. It will help eventually and the effect of therapy will be lasting. You will want it to fix everything right away, and that just doesn’t happen. But if you give it time, I promise it will work. If you don’t like your therapist though, it is ok to change!
So I was a sad girl yesterday. I stayed in bed and watched TV. It is ok to give yourself the chance to be sad. We have a range if emotions and we have determined happy to be good and sad to be bad. But I think all emotions are equal and I want to parent with that idea in mind. Anyway…
Why was I sad?
If you are a misogynist, you might want to fuck off now. I find all the time that I am not listened to. I have talked to my mother and friends that identify as women, and they feel the same way. We are not being listened to. I don’t think it is a conscious thing with the people I know that identify as male and are not otherwise misogynistic.
I don’t think my friends are actively trying to ignore women. They wouldn’t be my friends otherwise. But it is happening. And it is making me super mad, and I just feel like not talking because of it. Then I feel awful for not speaking up other times. Quite the catch 22.
I think the ignorance comes from the patriarchy and not giving women the right to have an opinion. Therefore I think it is imbedded in our subconscious. I’ll be honest, I do it too.
Venting
People who identify as men do not seem to vent as much as people who identify as women. But I think that is for two reasons. First off, men are socially pushed to be strong, which somehow is related to not complaining. Second, women are pushed to be things not humanly possible, and not complain. So when they get the chance, they let fly everything they have been thinking.
Because of this we view venting differently in different genders, myself included. When my female friends complain, I get annoyed that they are complaining. I am more likely to advise they think positively. If men do the exact same thing, my assumption is the thing they are complaining about, rather than them complaining, is what is messed up. And society does this all the time.
I bring this up because my male coworkers were complaining about some shitty other coworkers of ours. They were going on for a bit. I tried to join in, and immediately they contested what I said. That had been shitting on someone one we will call J. I said, yeah J was literally just standing there doing nothing after telling us he hated doing nothing, I love the irony. They switched from joking about J to defending him, saying at least he was trying to do better. This happens all day every day for me. Men around me will joke about someone for a laugh, and the second I try, I get met with a correction. We should be able to vent to.
Not being listened to
Other than not being allowed to vent, women are often what I call “male autocorrect”ed. Or they are just not listened to. I have trouble hearing women as opposed to men, and I am sure this is because I was subconsciously taught what women as is less important.
I mean straight forward, people do not listen to women. I have told people something to their face, 10 seconds later a man will say the same thing, and people have acted like it is the first time they have heard it. I have done this too. Then we get chastized when we yell…
I have gotten talked over all the time, and it makes me mad. Or I will say something and people won’t listen or won’t believe me, and then a man will point it out later, and people will think it is a great idea. Start listening to women! Stop correcting them when they are mad!
Have you felt this way? Have you ignored women? Have you been ignored? Let us know about your experience in the comments below.