A lot of pain

This is a long story, so buckle up! It was the Friday of a concert with our community band. My tummy started really hurting at 3 am, and hadn’t gone away. I called my OB and she said to go to triage. They hooked me up to a monitor and told us everything looked fine, it was probably just extreme constipation. I took some Tylenol and miralax and went home so your dad could make the concert.

The next day wasn’t much better, and the next day was worse. I had your dad run across the street to grab some gas-x to see if it would help. I took some and felt almost immediately so much worse. I was in the worst pain of my life! I was screaming from the bathroom and puking into a tub. Eventually, I yelled at your dad to call 911.

The woman on the phone said all of the ambulances were busy at the moment, but she would get our info until one became free. One did become free, and when it arrived it was clear they had not been well informed of what was going on. The ambulance ride was excruciating. They did not turn the sirens on! You Dad beat us to the hospital. When we got there they pushed the cot hard to get it out and it slammed on the lip of the ambulance! OWW! They said it was stuck and I was going to have to climb out and get in a wheelchair. Eventually, we made it back up to triage.

I was puking and still in a lot of pain. Our Doula showed up to help comfort me. The nurse kept pressing on my abdomen and said if the pain was caused by them to say “you”. Your dad held my hand as I yelled “you” over and over. And once “Fuck you!” They tried to find your heartbeat with a doppler and it was very hard to find it. Then your heartbeat started to drop. The OB said our placenta had ripped itself from my uterus in what is called placental abruption. They were going to have to put me under anesthesia and deliver you via emergency c-section. They helped me to another room and I went to sleep.

Waking up

The next thing I knew I was in another room. I still had pain and asked about painkillers, they said they were on their way. The OB stopped in and said you were fine! She said you were so strong. You even breathed by yourself before they put the breathing tube in. You also opened your eyes! They said everything looked great and they would wheel you in to see me before they transferred you to the NICU at another hospital.

It was very good to hear you were ok, and see you alive and well. It was also very hard because you were hooked up to so many wires and tubes. I was grateful I got to meet you, and also wishing we had met a little later after you had some time to grow some more.

They took you away to the NICU at another hospital, and I had to stay in my hospital room that night, and they said for two nights after that. Later that night, after the pain meds had kicked in, they asked if I wanted to try to stand up to go pee. I said yes, and they were impressed with how quickly I got out of bed and moved around.

Your Dad had gone to pick up things from home and visit you in the NICU. Our Doula kept me company while he was gone. She was very comforting and had the great idea to play some music. Jacob put on Riptide by Beartooth, an amazing choice, be for he left. He returned around midnight and told me you looked healthy. Our Doula left. Then he passed out from exhaustion. He was not woken up when a machine kept beeping so I had to call the first to shut it off. He did not wake up when the nurse came in to give me another dose of pain meds. He slept right through the night.

The next day they were impressed by how easy it was for me to stand up and move around and said maybe they could let me leave after only one more night. Later they unhooked me from my tubing and wires and told me I was free to move about my room. I asked if I could take a shower and the nurse said if I was up for it that would be great because it would make it easy to change my bandage. I don’t think a shower ever felt so good in my entire life. I got to take off the hospital gown and change into my own clothes. I was mopping up the bathroom floor with towels when the physical therapist came in. She saw me and started laughing, then she said my mobility was clearly ok, and asked if I wanted to leave that night. Of course I did! I wanted to see you as soon as possible. The OB came to visit me again and said I looked good and could leave! The next thing I knew your Dad was picking me up and driving me to see you!

Skin-to-Skin

You are so strong! You were ripped from your Mom early, hooked up to a bunch of tubes and wires, and moved to a different hospital all within the first hours of you life. And there you were! So small. On top of a bed under wraps and a plastic sheet to keep you warm and moist. You were in a special humidifiying chamber that was giving you heat as well. And you were on oxygen, but not very much, which they said was a very good sign! They asked if I wanted to hold you for skin-to-skin time. I was amazed I got to do that so early, and of course I wanted to!

They situated you so your bed was facing sideways, and lowered the chamber. I wrapped one hand around your tiny head and another one around your tiny hiney. I held you between my chest and hands and lifted you out of your bed while the nurses watched all the cords and tubes to make sure they didn’t get caught on anything. Then I sat back in a recliner. They put two warm blankets on you and there you were!

An immense feeling of love and joy washed over me. My feelings of stress from everything that had happened melted away and we’re replaced by an overwhelming sense of gratefulness that you were ok. That you were here. That you were in my arms!

I held you for an hour and a half. An hour is standard for now. Your Dad read to you, and we cried through “Guess How Much I Love You.” We softly hummed everything from Happy Birthday to Vermillion pt. 2 by Slipkniot to you so the beeping of the medical equipment wouldn’t be so abrasive. Your Dad asked if we should ask to put you back in bed, and I said I needed just 10 more minutes with you to live in that magical moment. When the 10 minutes were up, he got the nurse and they watched the cords as I carefully put you back in bed.

The story now

While I was in the hospital your dad booked a room on the same floor as the NICU. We stayed there two nights and were just down the hall from you. Then he booked three nights at the Ronald McDonald suites where we have been for two nights, and tonight is our last night. It is a different part of the hospital, but we are just a wheelchair ride away!

We have been checking on you in the mornings. You had a bad day where your oxygen level wasn’t good, you were anemic, and your bilirubin was high. So they switched you to a different ventilator, gave you a blood transfusion and put a blue light on you. But when we checked this morning, your blue light was back off, and they switched you to a harder ventilator to eventually wean you off a breathing tube, and your labs look good.

Mom and Dad have both been helping with cares. We have both changed your diaper. You pooped for the first time the other day! We have taken your temperature and weighed you. You have gotten lots of hand hugs, where we press down gently but firmly on your head, arms, or legs, which is the type of touch you like right now. We have helped move your head, and changed your bedding. We read and sing to you every day. And last night I got to hold you for the third time! Tonight is Dad’s turn to hold you!

River

25 weeks 6 days

13 inches

1 lb 12.9 oz